How to Clean Dog Ears

A Tragicomedy of Wax and Woe

A pug receiving an ear cleaning from a person.

There is a universal truth among all creatures who walk this Earth: ears are disgusting. Nature, in its infinite wisdom, has created a body part that functions as a funnel for dirt, wax, and unmentionable debris, then tucked it away where no one bothers to look until it starts to reek. Your dog, a noble beast undeserving of such betrayal, is no exception.

And so here we are. You, an allegedly intelligent primate, have decided to take on the burden of cleaning another species’ ears. This will not be a task of glory. Your dog will not thank you. In fact, if your dog could draft a legal complaint, you would be served with papers immediately. But the ears must be cleaned. If they are not, the inevitable will happen—an infection, a vet bill so large it makes you reconsider pet ownership, and a smell that will haunt your very soul.

Why Cleaning Your Dog’s Ears is a Necessary Evil

Dogs, like all of us, produce earwax. Some dogs, however, take this concept and run with it. Floppy-eared breeds, swimmers, allergy sufferers—all have ears that turn into humid, waxy jungles teeming with microbial life. If left unchecked, this silent horror show leads to infections, inflammation, and a smell that can only be described as “fermented despair.”

The American Kennel Club warns that regular ear cleaning is crucial, particularly for breeds like Cocker Spaniels, Basset Hounds, and any dog whose ears resemble the drapes in an old Victorian parlor. Failure to keep up with this ritual can lead to ear infections so gnarly that even your vet will hesitate before taking a peek inside.

How to Clean Your Dog’s Ears: A Journey into Madness

1. Gather Your Supplies and Prepare for Betrayal

First, you will need ear-cleaning solution, cotton balls, and possibly a second human being who still trusts you. You will not be using Q-tips because, according to VCA Animal Hospitals, they are a one-way ticket to a veterinary guilt trip. If you want to push wax deeper into your dog’s ear canal, by all means, grab a handful.

Set everything up in a place where escape is impossible. Your dog, an animal known for trusting you implicitly, does not yet realize what is about to happen. Take a moment to appreciate that trust. It will not survive what follows.

2. Inspect the Ears for Signs of Doom

Before you start squirting liquid into your dog’s head, take a look inside those ears. Are they a normal pink? Do they smell vaguely of dog but not of rotting compost? Good. You may proceed. If, however, you are greeted by redness, swelling, an excessive amount of wax, or an odor so powerful it could be bottled and sold as a biological weapon, you may already be too late. Stop what you are doing and make an appointment with your veterinarian.

According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, attempting to clean infected ears at home is about as effective as throwing a damp towel on a house fire. Your dog does not need you playing amateur surgeon.

3. Apply the Cleaning Solution and Accept Your Fate

Now comes the moment that will define your relationship with your dog for the foreseeable future. Lift the ear flap and fill the ear canal with the cleaning solution. Your dog, once your most loyal companion, will now look at you as though you have personally shattered every good memory they have ever had.

Once the solution is inside, massage the base of the ear for about 30 seconds. This will loosen debris while making a sound that can only be described as “audible regret.” Your dog will resist. You will persist.

4. Step Back and Let Chaos Reign

The moment you release your grip, your dog will shake its head with the force of a thousand hurricanes. You will be hit with a fine mist of ear debris. Some of it will land on you. This is your life now.

It is at this point that you will wonder why you ever got a dog in the first place. Perhaps a plant would have sufficed. A nice fern.

5. Wipe Away the Evidence

Once your dog has completed its ear-flinging ritual, take a cotton ball and gently wipe away the loosened wax and debris. Be thorough but gentle—your dog has been through enough.

If you see anything horrifying, such as blood, pus, or something that makes you want to gag, stop immediately and consult a veterinarian. The ears have crossed into forbidden territory, and only a professional can lead them back to salvation.

6. Reward Your Dog, Though You Deserve the Reward More

By some miracle, you have finished. Your dog, despite their earlier betrayal, is still here. They are staring at you with a mix of confusion and resentment. You will now offer them a treat, a bribe, a peace offering. They will take it, but they will not forget.

Eventually, they will forgive you. Possibly. But only until the next time you repeat this grim cycle.

How Professionals Clean Dog Ears

If you are unwilling to participate in this harrowing experience—or if your dog has turned this into a battle of wills that you are not equipped to win—professionals can do this for you. Groomers and veterinarians use specialized techniques, including deep flushing of the ear canal, medicated treatments for infections, and the kind of calm, steady-handed expertise that you, an emotional wreck, no longer possess.

Many veterinary professionals, like those at Banfield Pet Hospital, recommend professional ear cleanings for dogs prone to chronic issues. This ensures the ears are properly maintained without the emotional scars that come from attempting it at home.

Final Thoughts

So you have cleaned your dog’s ears. Congratulations. You have taken one small, thankless step toward ensuring your pet remains healthy and infection-free. Your dog, however, will remember this day as an act of war.

But like all things in life, this too shall pass. One day, you will be your dog’s hero again. Perhaps after dinner. Perhaps after a walk. And just when trust is restored, just when you are finally back in their good graces—you will clean their ears again.

Because this is the cycle. This is pet ownership. This is life.